The Language of Crying

No I am not a cry baby. Because crying is my language: It’s my only way to communicate. Next time my baby hears the word cry baby, if she had the mouth to frame words: she’d smack back saying - hey you, go get your research done well! This is the only way I can communicate! 

What’s language after all? It’s a medium of expression. Even with all the diction and face to face interactions, adults fail miserably in communicating, forget communicating, they find it hard to even talk or complete a sentence without preconceived notions or judgement. 

So all the baby knows, is to cry. Cry to communicate everything. Consider this, imagine ringing a bell for every little thing. How do you spot the difference? Granted if there’s a different bell tone for each type, and it’s all well demarcated, you can tell because of the pre-programming. You cannot interpret with artificial intelligence to understand the types of crying of newborns. Each to one’s own as well, btw. It’s not so that the neighbour’s kid cries in a certain way and hence I’d take it that mine cried for possibly the same reason, or may be an older grand child probably cried for some reason. There’s only so much you can do to calibrate. For the rest, it’s a painstakingly rewarding process to understand the types of crying and attending to it on time, every time. It takes grit and high levels of patience to understand the behavioural patterns round the clock, to get why your little one is crying. As with the pregnancy, every child is unique too. Of course, there could be commonalities, however, there’s no shortcut to understanding the reasons of crying of your own little one.

And so began my journey with motherhood, trying to understand those extended cries of hunger, to those little ones, to the disgruntled ones, to needing of my warmth, to the discomforts, to the little sounds, to when she’s about to doze off, and what not. What’s even more emotional is the fact that I end up crying myself seeing the little one cry…without any rhyme or reason.

It’s just like troubleshooting, you have a few checkpoints, that are your SOS guide, like a Triage Handling Mechanism. Thanks to my project handling experience that came in handy, the most important aspect that I could easily adapt was the notes-taking portion and staying organised, with a lot of discipline. It may sound so old-school, but it’s definitely worth every second. How would you respond if the house is on fire, such is the urgency with which you’d need to act when dealing with newborns. Imagine the amount of preparation that needs to go in throughout the 24 hrs! The last few weeks have been a great blessing for me in every way, because every hurdle was an opportunity in understanding my little one’s language a little better. It’s not so much that I have a mastery over it, yet I am beginning to construct sentences with the help of my newborn. See how they are your teachers already?! 

This full-time occupation at hand is an opportunity to build tons and tons of patience and perseverance. The most important trick of the trade is to keep yourself levelheaded every single time, and NOT PANIC. 

So cry on, my baby. It’s never a sign of weakness! You’ll know that it’s a beautiful vent for clogged emotions. In your case, it’s for the basic needs after all! 

Each to one’s own. Let’s remember that, before making judgmental cries!

Notes from a Melomaniac - Happy World Music Day - 21st June

 

“If music be the food of love, play on…” Shakespeare’s renowned Twelfth Night begins with these words uttered by the protagonist Orsino, who is lost in love with Olivia. This sentence is etched in my head since school days, such is the power of language and music, itself.

So, a day without music? Nah, I don’t know what it feels like! Does one forget to breathe after all? All music lovers have their own private connection with music – through their playlists from different times. Each song has a story, a memory associated, some good, some sad, or some, that are just filled with a random emotion, some for the rain, some for a bright sunny morning, some that just put you to a peaceful sleep, some that give you a musical hug, or some that give you a hearty cry, letting you vent it all out, without any human intervention. These are the private moments with music that you build, and maintain over a period of time.

Thanks to my cousin (my big brother), who first introduced me to this haven, by helping me carry music along. He gifted this precious Sony Walkman, through which I could listen to music on the go, especially during train journeys. Those were the days when AR Rahman’s songs were a rage, and the Walkman became an addiction, a must-have travel package, without which I didn’t know what a train journey was. The sound of the train touching the fish-plates used to be synonymous with that of ARR’s music – one such album is Dil Se.

Having grown up listening to ARR first, I then dug backwards – Ilayaraja and MSV, with the help of my mom’s craziness associated with music. Carnatic is a different genre altogether, and it’s like an acquired taste with foods. My playlists expanded in no time, quite rapidly with all types. As much as I love Carnatic and Western Music, I have this extraordinary madness for Raja Sir's music. The list is just endless, can you assess the depth of the ocean? Such is the depth of music as well, it’s unfathomable, and is an endless treasure, never failing to keep you sane. It's like music for each mood you are in. Carrying music with me stuck to me as a trait, thanks to my brother for sowing these seeds early enough.

The therapeutic values of music are already proven well enough, so much so that with my own experience during my very recent pregnancy, I engaged myself with this self-stress-busting activity of singing and listening to music, which kept me sane enough throughout the period. After all, the benefits of listening to the music you love, even impacts fetal health in a positive way, I can vouch for this, as am seeing a live example of it in my child, post-delivery. If ever you thought how would infants understand music, just a couple weeks ago, I happened to listen to music being played in the Neonatology Intensive Care Unit at the hospital where I had the delivery – this is a place where they keep infants/newborns under observation and treatment for various reasons. When asked to the duty nurse about the music that was being played in this unit, she said with a smiling face that they were instructed by the doctor for music to be played, as it promotes pleasantness, leading to better sleep in infants.

Music helps build so many human connections, by building bridges directly into the minds of people, where even words fail to do their job. Sharing a thought vs. Sharing a song makes a difference of sea and earth, it immediately stitches any scars or fortifies existing connections! The excitement of sharing a liking for similar music knows no bounds.

Without further ado, wishing you all a Happy Music Day. Engage in some form of music or the other, sing your heart out and bask in the mirth of music!

Leaving you all with a collage of my favorite music related quotes.

False Positivity

 

Positivity is one of the most overrated emotions – as though if you’d turn on a switch, in no time, the brain would communicate to the heart to wash out the negativity and pump in positive cells in the blood stream!

Welcome to the Utopian World of Optimism!

In the name of optimism, there are groups, clubs, organisations, social media pages, a million search results, and pop-up feeds asking you to stop the negative thinking right away and ingest positivity.

Granted that having a healthy and positive mindset, does help with a better view of any given situation. However, in order to firmly accomplish that, you will need to first acknowledge the negativity. Before you replace the negative thought with a positive thought, you will have to be careful in not suppressing the negative emotion in the first place.

Understand the situation, think through the negativity, and the rough patch that you are going through. Follow it up by venting it out to someone who is emotionally intelligent and trustworthy. Remember that both these parameters need to be mandatorily met for you to vent the feelings out. Level-headedness first, and if they’re level-headed, to a large extent, they’d most likely be trustworthy as well, but double-check for your own safety. If you don’t have any such people in your circle, kindly refrain from sharing. Instead, turn to praying or self-meditation. Even isolating yourself for a bout of tears is extremely helpful in letting out the emotions. The whole point is, you will first need to get the emotion out of your system in order to get to the next step of adopting a better frame. Think of it like trying on different frames at an optical store, you’d first remove one to wear another, right?

This may sound like a lengthy process while transitioning from one frame to another, however, it could be solved sooner than you think, if only you pause for a moment and accept the reality first.

This post is in no way a preaching against optimism – if you carefully exercise some of your emotional intelligence, you will understand that for the positivity to last in your head, it certainly helps to let the dust settle and then take the optimism on, head-on!

It takes mindfulness and tons of patience to practise this method, however, it is an extremely rewarding experience. You might think that it would take a long time to get the emotion out through this process, however, if done in a timely manner when you are actually feeling it, it works wonders. It’s much better than having to suppress the feeling and forget about it, as the repercussions of this are unhealthy and like deposited fat, you’d have deposited emotions, that yield zero interest. It would instead compound and make things even worse!

In essence, if you ever get the chance to help someone through such a situation, please do them a favor by helping them acknowledge the negativity first, rather than shunning it right away. Once you acknowledge, you are already onboard for helping them through the next train of thoughts – after all, when there’s a weed in the plant, don’t you first help it by cutting that out, to let a new leaf grow?

Make human contacts warmer – talking through helps, consider holding hands or offering a hug (if you can), these go a very long way to pacify and instill a sense of calmness.

Next time you feel low, angry, distressed, irritated, or any other synonym related to this feeling, remember that it is okay to be not okay – Batteries have both sides too! Just remember to not dwell in these thoughts for long, take a break, and offer yourself some distractions. Mindfully then practise the art of acknowledging the negative situation and then realign yourself. It’s as simple as that.

Disclaimer: This is based on a true incident that happened to me as recent as last week, in an absolute state of distress due to post-partum; until I heard a couple of words from my doctor who just said something very simple to me – I am sure you would feel stressed it’s okay to be that way. Just Feel It first and then move on!

That’s it – that’s all I needed, and not some fancy positivity rant-filled advice. With that, I just needed some alone-time to cry it all out and then have a conversation with God. My wireless connection got stronger after all!

 

 

 

Advice about Advice

For advising in itself is an art. There are subtleties to it, which need to be handled with care. Remember you’re dealing with live emotions when you rattle out your piece of advice. How much of it gets into their head, depends directly on the tone, and the content of info you want to pass along. Just because there’s a lot coming from your experience, it doesn’t directly give you the passport to infiltrate the listener’s head with information overload. There’s a tactic and a method to this craziness called Advice. 

There’s absolutely no problem if we aren’t good at this technique, we just need to hold our horses and slow down. Sugarcoating words like my 2 cents, my suggestion, etc., would make zero sense if the listener isn’t in the frame of mind in the first place. 

With that said, here’s a paradox about it. Still try the advising technique, by doing an easy temperature check of the emotions and situation, and then start in small dosages. If it works it does, otherwise, save for another time, when it’s appropriate. The fear of the other person failing miserably could take precedence over your instincts, and that’s probably what’s prompting your rant-driven advice. But this can be easily spotted through your temperature check of emotions, where you can easily tell how prepared the person is. It’s as simple as that. High amounts of Patience levels are required for both parties. 

If all this seems too much, it’s absolutely normal to stay quiet, and just keep the person in your prayers, which will go a longer way, than a failed verbal attempt. 

As I write this, I vouch for every word and punctuation of this piece, as this is exactly what l

follow with everyone, alike, to my best possible knowledge. I also have a list of people who constantly return to me for advice. The proof of the pudding lies in the eating, isn’t it? To advice, and be advised, it takes a great deal of mind positioning and awareness of the present situation. If you let your own thoughts run like a train, there’s no way, people would pay heed, which will possibly lead to your own isolation. 

P.S. No hard feelings. This was a much needed let-out. 

Break

A Monday sans its typical blues. It has rained for a few minutes right in the morning, leaving it lush and vivacious , accentuating the already colourful flowers with more colour. 

No official to-do’s for the day, not an iota of work to be worried about. Watching the rain is a great thing to do by itself. Also sang Ilayaraja’s Vaan Megam song along with the rain, no one can hear anyway, for the sound of the rain is louder.

The Sunday mood can afford to linger on. Also, The Fool’s Garden song plays in my head…”am sitting here in a boring room, it’s just another rainy Sunday afternoon…”

Evidently, am on a break. Sign-offs and Hand-offs done right before I left from work on Friday night. Passing the baton over to some responsible caretakers in the team, who stand by me through thick and thin. Not to mention A Tremendously supportive management team and client partner (one who extends beyond work relationships) - now that’s some culture worth creating, for it’s solid and withstands the test of time, through honesty, trust and commitment. It would only do you good, after all. It’s not so much about getting favors or anything, just that it makes life a lot easier in general. It’s definitely worth trying if you haven’t tried it yet. 

Okay so with this kind of support, it’s certainly worth taking a break, and passing over all your responsibilities, only to take on something even bigger, a journey that’s about to commence (any moment perhaps), rightly matching up to the name of the month as well - MAY. 

There are sabbaticals, and then there are short breaks which working people normally indulge in. This one to me though, is my maiden break from work, ever since 18 (when I first began my career). There was a lump in my throat when I left from work on Friday, for it turned out to be quite an emotional sign-off, with wishes pouring in, genuinely, for my safety first. 

After all, embarking into a break to take on motherhood on full throttle, is worth mentioning, isn’t it? 

You’d first need to mentally and physically prep yourself up for the big game, taking it slowly, but steadily; turning a deaf ear to too much hype and listen to your already, developing motherly instincts instead. 

So here I am, standing right in the middle-ground, waiting to pop, treading slowly into the 9th, trying to make every single day towards motherhood count. A worthy break, before a tiny little being steals all my time!

Charioteering

 

“Have you reached safely Amma – I am Subramaniam Auto Driver calling from Chennai.” My mother received this return call from an auto-driver who had dropped her off at the railway station last week. A heart-warming recollection, perhaps a courteous after-sales service, if you will 😊 The result of being treated well.

A driver has to be treated with enough respect – financially and morally – my uncle says this all the time. There’s a reason why he says that; he’s quick to back it up with a couple noteworthy stories from his repertoire in Santhana Dharma mythology.

Devavritha, who later becomes Bhishma, gets to know of his father Shanthanu’s gloom through their driver. Devavritha is at a marriageable age and was already going to be the heir apparent. However, during a hunt, Shanthanu comes across a beautiful woman by name Yojanagandhi. He immediately goes in search of her father and expresses his desire to marry his daughter – Yojanagandhi (who later comes to be known as Satyavati). He is so lovelorn and depressed due to the fact that he also has an existing son – Devavritha who is ready to be married and coronated.

Devavritha learns this secret through their driver – he goes to explain King Shanthanu’s depression to Devavritha. Learning this, Devavritha tells his father that he is ready to give up on his crowning and lets him know that he doesn’t wish to marry. He then convinces his father to get married to Yojanagandhi and have the offspring from that marriage to become the next King.

This is famously known as the Bhishma Prathigna (stringent vow) – who thus goes on to receive the boon of Iccha Mrithyu (postponing death until he was ready).

In another couple incidents straight off the battlefield – Kurukshethra in Mahabharatha, we have the classic example of our very own Parthasarathy (Partha – Arjuna’s Sarathy – Charioteer) – Krishna doubling up as Arjuna’s charioteer and even going to express His Vishwaroopam form to His dear friend and maternal cousin Arjuna. We all know the importance of the role that Krishna plays here by giving him the motivation he needs through the divine song – Bhagavad Gita. Thanks to Arjuna’s depression, that the world got this jewel of Gita.

Quite the opposite happens in the case of arch rival and Arjuna’s paternal cousin – Karna. His charioteer Shalya is infamous for his deliberate persuasions to divert Karna’s attention and in ripping his confidence apart – making him feel weak and debilitated. The world knows about Karna’s expertise in archery, which is beyond comparison with that of Arjuna’s skills – even Krishna endorses this fact. However, Krishna converts this into a positive and turns it as an opportunity for Arjuna. While the contrary is done by Shalya for Karna.

These little stories from our Bharatha Ithihasa explain the value of a good driver whose job is not only to drop the passenger off at a point. The journey is as essential as the destination and it takes skill and common sense for a driver to complete his task at hand. The compensation paid to him is thus for this very reason, vs. the distance he’s covering in terms of kilometers. There are factors like taking you through the best route, with utmost safety. If he is thus irked by the bargain right at the start, beware of the ride ahead. It’s not so much about being oblivious about the economics of the ride. It’s about being fair to the driver as well as taking into account our own wellness as a passenger. The positives would outweigh the negatives and the end result would be a safe drive, which we wouldn’t want to regret in the future. You can’t put a cost to safety and measure it in the same scale as that of the price of fuel. It’s always a wholesome package that you receive – we will need definite dependence on the sense and sensibilities of the driver, who’s role cannot be ridiculed or reduced to that of mere driving. It takes a certain road sense to navigate, after all.

OK

A seedling sown carefully under the wraps of mud and cocopeat

Watered with utmost care, neither too less nor too much

Exposed to enough sunlight

Despite the intensive care, the poor seedling doesn't take bloom,

Lo and behold, without an iota of doubt, the entire pot is moved

Or the mud is dug into, to look for anomalies.

Not once is the seedling ever blamed, it's no fault of the seed, after all –

Everyone would agree without batting an eyelid.

And then when it does bloom, there's so much joy we seek in the little things

Talk of it as though the growth took place because of our care.

Well, let's take the pride if we want to.

The plant wouldn't know a thing, for it’s blooming where it’s planted.

 

In another realm,

Something regular goes amiss

Draws two red lines, when detected

Turns into a tiny sac

Letting out beats per minute, heard through an amplified technology

And it's a real being, a real thing!

Boom! And it changes the whole world for the one carrying it

Every person, with some basic empathy, who gets to know this, offers so much advice and care

For just like the plant, it's an inkling, with a greater potential to grow, after all.

If it's water & sunlight for the plant,

It's good emotions, food and supplements for the tiny sac.

It’s a dependent, after all, anything the carrier inputs, would be its direct output – a tiny reflection

What manifests as a tiny sac, goes on to take different shapes while being afloat…

Whether the mud and cocopeat go through painful changes or not, as the plant tries to expand,

The tiny sac takes up all the space it can –  causing a plethora of changes for the person carrying it – hormonal and what not.

A pleasant feeling this is, unique, and exclusive.

Every movement would want to be documented, just like the flowers blooming.

It could very well be a mundane activity, a routine, like the sunrise and sunset,

But the person carrying it feels every ray of its expansion

To revel in the beauty of the tiny being –  the stretches, moves and the gestures.

What it does when it's out, is public

What it does within, is something that I'd call my own, MINE, in BOLD.

If you'd care to empathise, you'd exactly feel the thrill ride with me,

If not, then you're just an onlooker, seeing my body grow horizontally.

That there are so many emotions running beneath, like a current, is an experience of its own.

And just when I was thinking of these itsy-bitsy movements, there's a sign quite vividly visible on the monitor – OK.

Folded fists, with the thumb sticking out.

It isn't like an imagination of cloud formations resembling different countries on the sky,

The radiologist acknowledges it too, equally excited for me.

It's a real tiny sac that has grown all the way up to say OK when it's still afloat.

Creation, THUS, is a beautiful journey.

Each, to one's own, as I progress.

God's great.