BTS

 “There’s a heavy cloud inside my head”

  A line from Fool’s Garden - Lemon Tree.

The lyricist was spot-on; the song a timeless classic!

Rewind: Just when everything feels right, you think it’s going to be linear in pattern, you have to go back in circles, foggy concentric circles, so thick, looming large, threatening to shake you up; questioning your very capability to function as a human that very minute. No waiting allowed, for you’re already delayed due to the concentric circles bogging you down - a whole night’s sleep, and half a cup of coffee down the drain. Why did I even wake up to this day? All this feeling in less than 5 minutes. Welcome to behind the scenes. Only the sky is knowledgable of its own weight; so much so that it wants to pour down despite being semi-overcast, despite the silver-lining. Nothing else matters, no words of comfort, just NOTHING: The daughter feeling like the sky wanting to rain from time to time, that’s why perhaps it’s called - tearing-up, gathering the mighty force of everything that’s discomforting, for a subsequent outpour. Toddler brains function this way, and we just have to learn to shut up and not offer things in the name of consolation. If anything, it teaches me truckloads of patience with every interaction.

Fast forward: a picture encapsulating a smile; albeit with the weight of the clouds from behind the scenes - let’s call it “BTS” to sound ultra cool; as if nothing ever happened. 

If only we’re given grace for making the picture happen; instead of a loose remark - describing the outer… well, there’s no one to blame, for the vision is shallow and limited to theory and hearsay. 

2X fast forward: a message from the principal with the daughter’s photo attached, that read - Settled! Feeling bullish and bearish all at once. Well, the year has been such. 

While she had settled, I wasn’t quite - downing 3 cups of my thick dark black coffee, with the Apadhudharaka sloka (from the Phala Sruthi of Vishnu Sahasranamam), and a loud outpour of cry - the skies cleared up both outside and inside. The iPad near my coffee cup got me typing this - BTS.

Bread-winner

 A morning after I dropped the daughter off at school. Usual emotional turmoil of refusal to go to school. Regardless, I bit the bullet; hardened my inner-self and stopped for chai. Next pit stop… supermarket in our neighbourhood. Before I took the stairs to the supermarket; a person sought alms. Thankfully, I had some cash that I could offer.

It was a little after breakfast hour. So I thought the man could get himself a cup of chai; given the beautifully calm and cool morning it was; semi-overcast; with the rain contemplating on when it wanted to descend. 

I could feel the beauty of the day for I was full: in terms of tummy; with my turmoil slowly settling down due to the chai and the weather. This weather though, would not have made a difference to the man’s day; for he had different ends to meet; perhaps.

After parking this thought and my scooter aside, I went up to the supermarket. On my way back to the scooter, I spotted this man yet again: this time I told him that I had already given him something. He quickly acknowledged the fact and showed me a quick gesture of hunger : a palpable sense of wanting to eat something. Having crossed the hours of breakfast; I realized how hungry he could be. 

A packet of bread fell off my arms as I tried to fit in 2 packs of bread into the scooter’s storage. Even as I was picking up the packets of bread from the rack; I was debating 1 vs. 2.

Taking the cue, I handed over the packet that fell off; he answered in an affirmative, agreeing to eat the bread. I took his word and didn’t want to probe further. As I headed back to the scooter, I saw him getting ready to sit down with his meal: the packet of bread. A tear rolled down my eye, shielding my vision, as a cold breeze helped with wiping away my tears when I rode back home. 

STARVED

 A better tomorrow awaits.

A billboard at every step of the way:

A not-so-gentle reminder all along the length and breadth -

With a new portion getting added by the day: making it Greater Chennai!

Madras Nalla Madras is passé; 

With nostalgia just existing in e-commerce merchandise : magnets, tees and quick eats:

Satyam Pop-corn is a ‘souvenir snack’ like Thirunelveli halwa.

Every nook and cranny sells things that no longer belong to the local flavour.

Dotted with eateries that beg to establish their identity from another TN district.

The population on OMR - migrant:

Each one missing their native cuisine

Lo and behold, one restaurant after the other, ostensibly claiming to be either from Salem, Dindigul, Kovilpatti, Ambur and everything else, except Chennai.

Catering to unruly midnight cravings; dictated by an offer or two;

Made available in buckets - addressing the starved gluttons.

Justified by feel good factors; raising dopamine : secreting the so-called oxytocin - temporarily after all.

For when reality meets them, each one is browsing through an offer to kill time 

As they wait for a better tomorrow.

When the tomorrow does arrive, it connects better, yes:

For people to get closer to hospitals and therapy centres with serpentine bills;

An invisible tax that’s paid for a better tomorrow:

A compromise on fresh air, water and good health - above all peace of mind

Something that tier 2 and 3 cities offer for free.

Pure Luxury - where you can live in the present; instead of awaiting a better tomorrow.