False Positivity

 

Positivity is one of the most overrated emotions – as though if you’d turn on a switch, in no time, the brain would communicate to the heart to wash out the negativity and pump in positive cells in the blood stream!

Welcome to the Utopian World of Optimism!

In the name of optimism, there are groups, clubs, organisations, social media pages, a million search results, and pop-up feeds asking you to stop the negative thinking right away and ingest positivity.

Granted that having a healthy and positive mindset, does help with a better view of any given situation. However, in order to firmly accomplish that, you will need to first acknowledge the negativity. Before you replace the negative thought with a positive thought, you will have to be careful in not suppressing the negative emotion in the first place.

Understand the situation, think through the negativity, and the rough patch that you are going through. Follow it up by venting it out to someone who is emotionally intelligent and trustworthy. Remember that both these parameters need to be mandatorily met for you to vent the feelings out. Level-headedness first, and if they’re level-headed, to a large extent, they’d most likely be trustworthy as well, but double-check for your own safety. If you don’t have any such people in your circle, kindly refrain from sharing. Instead, turn to praying or self-meditation. Even isolating yourself for a bout of tears is extremely helpful in letting out the emotions. The whole point is, you will first need to get the emotion out of your system in order to get to the next step of adopting a better frame. Think of it like trying on different frames at an optical store, you’d first remove one to wear another, right?

This may sound like a lengthy process while transitioning from one frame to another, however, it could be solved sooner than you think, if only you pause for a moment and accept the reality first.

This post is in no way a preaching against optimism – if you carefully exercise some of your emotional intelligence, you will understand that for the positivity to last in your head, it certainly helps to let the dust settle and then take the optimism on, head-on!

It takes mindfulness and tons of patience to practise this method, however, it is an extremely rewarding experience. You might think that it would take a long time to get the emotion out through this process, however, if done in a timely manner when you are actually feeling it, it works wonders. It’s much better than having to suppress the feeling and forget about it, as the repercussions of this are unhealthy and like deposited fat, you’d have deposited emotions, that yield zero interest. It would instead compound and make things even worse!

In essence, if you ever get the chance to help someone through such a situation, please do them a favor by helping them acknowledge the negativity first, rather than shunning it right away. Once you acknowledge, you are already onboard for helping them through the next train of thoughts – after all, when there’s a weed in the plant, don’t you first help it by cutting that out, to let a new leaf grow?

Make human contacts warmer – talking through helps, consider holding hands or offering a hug (if you can), these go a very long way to pacify and instill a sense of calmness.

Next time you feel low, angry, distressed, irritated, or any other synonym related to this feeling, remember that it is okay to be not okay – Batteries have both sides too! Just remember to not dwell in these thoughts for long, take a break, and offer yourself some distractions. Mindfully then practise the art of acknowledging the negative situation and then realign yourself. It’s as simple as that.

Disclaimer: This is based on a true incident that happened to me as recent as last week, in an absolute state of distress due to post-partum; until I heard a couple of words from my doctor who just said something very simple to me – I am sure you would feel stressed it’s okay to be that way. Just Feel It first and then move on!

That’s it – that’s all I needed, and not some fancy positivity rant-filled advice. With that, I just needed some alone-time to cry it all out and then have a conversation with God. My wireless connection got stronger after all!