Perspectives

 

It’s all about perspectives.You keep getting the same view when you refuse to train your mind to think differently. The same thing when viewed from a different angle will throw open a world of possibilities, quite possibly!

Variety isn’t hard to infuse in daily life. By variety, it doesn’t mean having something totally new each day. It starts with something as simple as doing things differently each day. Boredom and saturation in life, is for people who are jailed in their own mental imagery.

Just as how a little camera light trick would do wonders to a portrait, applying the same principle in daily life will directly increase the zest for life.

Most of all, it’s about enjoying and appreciating each moment. Living in the now, enjoying the now would make days seem longer, fuller and more satisfying. When you forget the ‘now’ and postpone it to a future, you’re spoiling both the ‘now’ and the ‘future.’ What if the future doesn’t turn out to be with the same effects of the ‘now?’

You don’t need to really go on a vacation to enjoy a good cup of coffee or simply unwind. Your own terrace could be a very spot for you to make your mundane morning coffee routine into an invigorating experience!

Most of all slow down, to enjoy more variety. The myth about getting more done and keeping busy all the time is just an excuse to not do things in an enjoyable manner. We just want to be always tied to the same pattern of doing our chores without an iota of variety. So the next time you drink your cup of coffee, or eat a meal, feel the smell and touch of that meal or cup of coffee in front of you. You will find yourself savouring it in a manner that you look forward to it each time.

The point is to actually slow down so that you can get more done in the day. As oxymoronic as it may sound, it doesn't hit you until you care to practice it consciously. If anything, there will be a better and fresh outlook to the day and make it satisfying. Life is too short to postpone the nicer moments. 

For example, doing a task with some music on, would add a totally different perspective to the otherwise very mundane-feeling routine. There is renewed energy that builds up unknowingly, making you possibly finish the work more efficiently and effortlessly.

Spending time with your partner and having a private moment with them adds a zing to your daily life. And if we’re fearing that the charm will be lost by having a daily physical affinity, it’s just sheer foolishness. In fact, we would automatically find newer and fresher ways to keep the spark alive! It’s not all that complicated.

Or even gifting a little something to each other from time to time, without really waiting for a birthday or an anniversary would add a great deal of zeal and surprise to a relationship. It would simply go to show how much we remember our significant other in our day to day routine.

We’ll just need to pause and have the brain and guts to do things with more fun-infused. The power of variety is undermined because we’re so consumed by the sameness yielding the same results. People don’t even care to stop and understand if that’s what’s desired out of the routine though. It’s high time we broke open from the typecast saying of “what will people think,” syndrome. There could be a hundred things running in a family’s day to day world. It’s not really our job to go around getting the acceptance of our neighbourhood and relatives in everything we do. While consultation is good, the final decision should certainly be ours to take.

Isn’t variety the spice of life after all?

 

 

Online

 

If it’s online, it’s valid. All else, is seemingly losing its existence, sooner than ever. Welcome to the online bubble which we constantly reside in. So consumed we are, in the world wide web of plurality, that we don’t realize that there’s reality around the daily life we lead.

What we see virtually is more appealing than the real thing itself. Take the case of when someone sends you a pic of theirs vs. that person being physically present, right beside you. The existence then is reduced to nothing or complete non-existence, perhaps. Even worst, there is no acknowledgement of the physical person who is around you. There’s a constant urge to keep clicking pics and instantaneously sharing them. What then happens to the real-time conversation you could possibly have struck with each other? The entire meeting is reduced to a mere show-off.

The tone of a conversation seems to be far more understood in chat language vs. real-time interactions. With too much social networking, have people forgotten how to socialize for real?

Well, the sad answer is a vehement YES. If only we transcended out of our screen-lives and struck real conversations, we would understand that people are real.

 Virtual hugs and kisses seem to take precedence over doing a simple hug when your loved one is right next to you. If oxytocin and dopamine levels can increase with a meagre virtual chat, then imagine the power of a warm and tight hug, when done face to face?

Where does one really draw the line and decide saying okay, so the person is going to be around me for sure, and hence I can get back to them any time? Though this may seemingly be insignificant, it’s a sure route to failure, in many relationships. Do we even know what our partners feel? Are human connections, humane enough?

Sadly enough, the presence of your loved ones is taken for granted, which is by and large the root cause for all problems. We don’t want to play out the scene of the partner or loved one not being around, simply because they’re just there. We're just so used to viewing with the lens of 'last-seens,' 'blue-ticks,' 'online' and 'offline' statuses of people that we don't even realise when people go off-radar for real. Do we know how present we are, when we are present with our loved ones?

Relationships die a silent death with partners losing interest, over a period of time. If only we paused, and paid attention to the little details, issues could be discovered sooner than later. By this, I don’t mean that we have to keep stock of every tiny detail and keep doling trivia out to the family members – that would turn out to be mere annoyance – there would be zero space in such a relationship, leaving the partners choked, or rather asphyxiated.

It’s all about walking on the rope of balance, so that we feel heard, seen and understood. It’s after all, acknowledgement of the individual’s presence which is the first step to the making of a stronger relationship. Indulge in frequent ‘me-times,’ as well as dates with partners, or in the case of elderly members, some outings with them as well, so that you have a mix of both worlds. This way, we are also, being inclusive.

The value of physical touch is often underestimated as well. The physical touch heals more sicknesses, both mental and physical, than any drug in the whole world. If anything, the pandemic has taught us this lesson. There are more people who fall even sicker due to isolation than the corona virus itself.

Daily hugs and some nice indulgence with the partners, adds value and more meaning to relationships. What are we running behind, after all? What are we doing with all the saved time? Is it being ploughed back for something productive? This is a question which we have to ask ourselves, for there’s no one straight answer.

Going back to the world wide web of plurality, this very topic, these few paragraphs, when vocalized, would not find a pair of ears paying rapt attention. However, if the same content is published, it would seem to have more validation. An Instagram story or a WhatsApp status carries more weightage than what someone is truly going through. Online behaviour seems to dictate character more than real social interactions. The human mind is exposed to internet diarrhoea that it doesn’t know where to press the pause button.

If only we step out and made eye contact in our human interactions, the social distancing would shrink. With everything being more virtual than ever, the onus is on us to make relationships meaningful, while our loved ones are still physically present around us. Above all else, we just need do better at communication, which is the key to every single interaction.

 

 

 

 

Conscious Gratitude

 

Complimenting is an art. When something is nice or when someone does something nice, say it. How easily, things are taken for granted, as though they were set to auto-pilot mode to function, regardless of any changes or challenges along the way!

The most precious thing that someone can gift you ever, is their time. So when efforts are put in to do something for you, be thankful, have gratitude. The value of something won’t be known unless it doesn’t become available to you anymore.

So what if you have to be thankful for the littlest of things? It’s after all these little things that constitute life. There’s nothing to lose in the process of gratitude, in fact, it makes you a better human. By enjoying every bit of life, you end up living in the here and now.

There’s room for love only when there’s gratitude. It’s after all, only when your cup is full that you’d be able to pour out of it. If you aren’t happy and content yourself, never are you going to be able to make someone else feel good, no matter how hard you try. Or at least you may think that you’re keeping the other person happy, when in reality, you’re nowhere close to even understanding what their thoughts are, let alone making them feel good.

The process of gratitude is underestimated, especially in our Indian society, although originally India has been known for its culturally rich behavioural heritage. The word ‘formality’ gets wrongly associated with the emotion of gratitude, thereby demeaning the importance of thank-worthy deeds. Being grateful is viewed as though something is ripped apart, if and when expressed. It’s more of a gender-driven status symbol – that remembering little details of your significant other or your family members is all meant for the women. Emotions are for everyone – you can’t have one person giving generously each time and the other, being the taker. Isn’t it supposed to be mutual?

By expressing, it doesn’t mean you’re being overtly expressive and showering praises and love 24X7. A small mention somewhere during the middle of the day or even at the end of the day would go a long way in preventing mid-life crisis that many go through. In fact, many a reason for separation is for what’s viewed as trivial and insignificant – when in reality, when all these reasons put together make up a bad relationship. It could be because of anything – Just because of a delayed expression of a feeling, just because you took all the time in the world to say something appreciative, just because you kept assuming, just because you never had a heartfelt conversation, just because you didn’t stop amidst your busy schedule and care to exchange a loving glance at each other, just because you didn’t value the presence of another human who co-exists with you in the household – after all, we’re all human and have to be respectful of each one’s time. Never be the reason why someone would want to give up and walk out of something or go dormant about their emotions – That's even harder to heal and would lead to unwarranted health complications.  

Why would you want to wait for something major to happen for you to begin feeling thankful? After all, what’s the guarantee of someone to always be with you? The misunderstanding is that; we think we have time for those big things. The more grateful we are, the more content we become – there’d be even more things to be happy about.

Being grateful doesn’t necessarily mean saying a thank you, as though in a ritualistic manner. It’s what you feel, and put out there, from deep within. This may sound like a complicated procedure, but when you practise conscious gratefulness, it becomes a natural habit and turns out to be a truly rewarding experience.

So what are you thankful for, today? I am thankful about the fact that my mother-in-law enjoyed my pineapple rasam and mentioned it post lunch that she enjoyed her food :)

Try being grateful by actually expressing it to your near and dear ones, and notice how you’d bring a curve on their lips and fill up their entire day!

 

Melomania

A cosy corner to run up to

A warm hug 

A cup of hot coffee

A splash of raindrops from the first rain

A breeze that brushes your face and hair gently…

A best friend to whom you can spit anything out

To whom you can cry your heart out

A mirror in front of which you can emote anything 

The warmth of your mom’s smiling face after a long day at work

The innocence of a child’s smile

The romance you have with your partner

The joy of completing a creative piece of writing 

Feelings like these and much more,

Wrapped into one state called ‘melomania:’

A state of inebriation which only another music addict will even have the ‘ability’ to make sense of.

The songs…the playlist…the radio.

That go-to music, go-to genre, 

Because music wouldn’t let you down:

A safe haven where you never get judged.

Something you can tune into, for instant relief.

Something that plays at a distance, quite serendipitously

For a melomaniac, it’s the music that renders life to each passing day…

And why not? For music, is therapeutic…!

Lessons from a mouth ulcer

 A seemingly insignificant growth on the tongue. What looks absolutely trivial in the beginning, turns out to be menacingly painful. Oh it’s just a small thing in the mouth! A petty parasite depending on the tongue, after all: we may assume. But Hell No!

The tongue talks to the brain, sends signals of a bodily inconvenience. The tongue, and the mind still want to eat and drink the usual way: the faculty of taste is still intact, for that’s the deal-breaker! So when the hands and the nose reach out to the favourite mug of coffee as part of morning routine, you know your entire day is inconvenienced: reason – this silly growth in the mouth.

The tongue plays tricks by changing sides for you and telling you to chew on the other side: sends signals to the brain giving directions on how to finish the meal in front of you!

By the time you realise that there’s an ointment for these mouth sores, you may have already obliviously succumbed to the ways of the damaged tongue!

The rest is for the medicines and prayers that do the work in getting you back to normalcy.

But let’s take a step back here for a bit. Something as tiny as a mouth ulcer has a say in our day to day, and here we are, fighting mighty egos and lofty grudges – my problem is bigger than yours, being thanklessly ruthful and disrespectful to situations that others are facing, mindless gossips about people, using people to work in one's favour, and what not? Side-effects of referencing ourselves to a mere mortal bodily identity.

While you’re still chewing on this thought, the only real thing you’d want to do is: just shut up. There’s so much probably to think and talk back. You’d be so tempted to open your mouth and keep giving your two cents to every pressing problem in the world, as if it were ours to resolve! This is when you truly value the need for silence. The pleasure of maintaining silence and minding your own business is unparalleled.

And if this means lesser social interactions, then cheers to that! Peace of mind and privacy are far more priceless than the ability to be the family’s nightingale. You get to be productive and run days in your own accord. Situations have a naturally easy way of getting resolved if only we learnt to just keep quiet. While having the gift of the gab is for a different discussion altogether, the power of silence certainly takes precedence.

Thanks to the parasite on the mouth, once again!

 

A Pluviophile's diary.

 

Wet earth, a lingering chillness.

Steam from the coffee cup taking flight: visibly evident.

The outer of the coffee cup gives you temporary warmth:

Hands tightly wrapped around the mug, brought closer to the face,

Only to catch a glimpse of the fleeting steam.

Smells of all kinds last longer:

The chillness working as an air conditioner.

The clock is useless and the Sun is elusive.

Early mornings and afternoons - alike.

Every hour of the day looks the same:

Enveloped in clouds - one shower after another.

Ilayaraja's music becomes more 'earwormy' now.

Tiptoeing to avoid a fall - slippery surfaces everywhere.

Clotheslines, embellished with rain decor

The Sun plays hide and seek:

Saying, “Catch me if you can!”

"I need some rest too: let it be cloud play for you!"

Piles of clothes lazily waiting to be washed and dried.

Hot food turning cold in minutes.

The heat of the first grain of rice on the plate doesn’t burn your hands or throat. 

You’re looking for every possible outlet for some warmth.

Rain sound: day in and day out.

With different degrees of rain speed.

The Moon chooses to take a break too!

The nights, pregnant with the sound of cricket.

Falling asleep is easier with this noise: you have nature’s company!

Waking up again, only to see another rain-laden morning:

Kerala: you beauty, during the monsoon. 

Is the glass half full or half empty?

 

Think positive and forget the negatives – is the common buzzword. Brush away negativity and take out only the positives is something that we keep hearing lately. This trend is so stale and cliché already and will perhaps lead us to making the wrong decisions. Before you make any further assumption on this post, I recommend that you read in full to get the essence.

How many of us are really willing to spare a minute and think about this?

Life isn’t hunky-dory for anyone – after all, each one of us have our own set of battles to fight. Anything in the name of positivity, if you’re not even willing to acknowledge the situation, as is? You cannot sit there and choose not to rise up to the occasion thinking that the power of positivity is going to descend on you and everything will thus be magically resolved! How would you distinguish between the right and the wrong if you don’t even know both sides, rather 360 degree of a given situation? It’s as bad as saying I am a positive person and hence won’t be infected by COVID. We’ll have to shake ourselves off the imaginary bed of roses and realize that roses come with thorns too.

If you keep training the mind to think of only the pros, you will never really care to understand what the cons are. When this happens, the expectations, anticipation and hope rise and you will never be able to accept anything that’s not positive, rather, anything that’s not in your favor. Quite naturally, this will lead us to mental shock and dejection just because something didn’t work out in our favor, as the bubble of positivity just burst in front of you. It’s the case of expectations vs. reality, reel vs. real that lead us to more trouble than anything else. Needless to say, this leads us to unwarranted stress and anxiety.

So, what’s next? There’s no silver-bullet solution to all our problems. We have to teach ourselves first to accept a situation as is – not be forced to decide right away by weeding out the negatives. When you haven’t even analyzed or given something a thought, you cannot be busy deciding to ward off negativity. We’ll have to do a reality check, so first things first – having realized that there is a situation for us to solve in front of us, we will need to acknowledge the fact that there is something to be resolved. Sadly, for the most part, what’s happening now is mere escapism, under the garb of positivity. Certainly, we will need to take into account, the bright side as well as the pain-points. This will give us a more holistic view, rather than a biased, favorable outlook.

Thus, having this holistic view, will put us directly on the path of decision-making. We’re training our minds to decide and fend for ourselves, rather than creating a dependency on others. It’s about putting a process in place, so that you know that the next time a similar situation arises, you’re already ready to fight it and not cribbing or whining.

Optimism, in its true sense, is not a façade, it’s a way of living and believing that every problem has a solution. What makes the difference is that, you start with the attitude of understanding if the glass is half-full or half-empty. By deciding to start with the attitude of the glass being half-full, there is more motivation to get to the bottom of an issue and the resilience to encounter the problem when it stares at you, vs. thinking that the glass is half-empty and starting out with a pessimistic view, only so you crumble under pressure. After all, a diamond is a chunk of coal that did well under pressure!

This is exactly what our scriptures exhort too, a typical Arjuna syndrome. There’s an Arjuna inside each one of us, with a muddied mind, trying to escape from the reality. Krishna (or any God form) is, and has always been around, if only we care to look keenly. Gods never promise anywhere that negativity wouldn’t exist at all. Quoting the Bible, God helps those who help themselves, after all. Faith, hope and attitude of surrender will certainly make us stronger individuals to deal with challenges that life poses each day. In the process, we must learn the guiding principle of gratitude, which will take us places. Good or bad, be thankful for what you have, and the game automatically changes. There is a sense of indomitable confidence that gets into you, that there is no stopping you from situation-handling. Go right ahead with the abundance mindset and you will already begin to feel that you have everything you need.

While the power of positivity is phenomenal, let’s all for a moment consider conscious optimism – meaning, there will be pitfalls, but we shall learn to emerge stronger. It’s definitely okay to be not okay, and you don’t have to get it right, from the word go. We’re after all mortal humans and not bots, being wired to yield a desired result each time. Take a break if you need to, cry if you need to, emote if you need to, remain in solitude if you need to, whatever it is that you decide to choose, you’re fine – but never escapism from reality.

At the end of the day, if the positives outweigh the negatives, then you’re winning in your own accord – not to prove a point to anyone. In the process, what would certainly help us is, staying away from people who always choose to amplify the negatives. Such elements can be draining and let your emotions get the best of you. Ask yourself if toxicity is supporting the cause in any way, if not, then it’s not worth the effort. Tell them that you’re looking at the glass as half-full and that you at least have some water left to survive and deal with the problem. Everything starts with the decision to try, if you will 😊

 

 

 

 

Lost and found

The Heart, mind, body and soul ached. They ached and ached for the longest time known. What do you do when your very core is disturbed – you lose yourself. The mind meanders with an aimless search for meaning. A sense of desperation and restlessness follow suit, making you a fat blown-up balloon, with all the naivety and charm lost. The eyes which once glittered no longer shone. Relationships are a gamble; you don’t always get them right. A silent suffering, with a yearning to be loved; to flaunt love; to give love. What you find attractive as a younger you, may not be the right thing at all – for it doesn’t come with a lot of experiential backing. Falling for the superficial and by the time you realize that that wasn’t it, you’ve already been sucked in too deep like quicksand.

Time did move on; it wasn’t entirely bad after all. However, there was always a vacuum, a hollow. An echo from the inside, with every cell in the body, mind and soul seeking for love. For when you are in love, it sets you free, if you aren’t, then that is so not love. Love doesn’t come with a package of fear or possessiveness.

Could we go back in time and change the beginning – ah, perhaps, if only we could! So, who else can you go to other than the one and only Krishna? Draupadi hit the SOS bell in a state of helplessness, Krishna heard her quickly and came out to her rescue. After all, she was never to be blamed for the fault of her 5 valorous husbands – her chastity being stripped apart in public. Our man Krishna descended right there, just in time. Time is a relative term – what seems like fractions of seconds in Mahabharata would seem like a decade in real life.

Krishna has thus been a constant, there has been an undying faith and romance in the relationship shared with the Lord Himself. Things changed, of course there was sadness when death came by, right in the front. Lamenting the loss of a once loved one, hits deep too – The voice, the presence, the conversations, the music, the food and all the experience in itself. The person who was once breathing right next to you is no longer there.

The present looks nothing like the past. Reason – you cannot always sit there with lack of experience. You don’t have a choice, because the wolves from the world do teach you things, whether you like it or not. Learning gets accelerated. At least there is a sense of discrimination between the right and the wrong. If not knowledge on all things right, you at least learn what not to, again. That’s the blessing Krishna showered upon. This then percolated and trickled down in drops across the nuclear family.

The lost self thus went in the pursuit of happiness, seeking permanence, love and affection. You don’t always catch the good things that are laid right before you, the first time. This time, slightly different from a decade ago, yes worldly experience had a huge bearing on the decision-making process. Once bitten, twice shy, they say. For love to naturally happen to you, without any preconceived notions and conditions, you’ll need to be mentally prepared to receive love. Until such time, you’re going to be blinded by barriers that your mind makes up.

This time, Krishna and Prathiyangira Amman team up to rescue. Prayers have this beautiful power of keeping you wrapped in faith. The signs of the Universe are to not be ignored. Good things do take time, and changes don’t happen overnight. They are a culmination of the family itself coming together, a happy synthesis – after all, a family that prays together, stays together.

So, thanks to Instagram, a place where what was lost was found. The Universe puts you back in the path, only when you are ready. Until then, you’d be nowhere near your destination – even if you see the sign board right there – oblivion envelops the ventilation of your heart and mind.

With the body, mind and soul being thus aligned, you’d only find your way back to where you belonged, originally. Where you were once growing up, a place that was abandoned abruptly. The innocence is returned with worldly acumen. With lost connections being reestablished, joy knowing no bounds and with love letting you free, uncaged, untamed. The Gods put back the jigsaw puzzle in the right spot. Every day thus becomes a rediscovery of a twin soul flame, with stunning similarities and common interests. The heart is grateful and knows not how to whine anymore. Feeling full with love, and knowing that you are enough. The search stops, as you have arrived at the destination, thus. The journey of happiness is yet to begin, regardless, there’s a certain sense of undeterred faith, hope and clarity. Believe in the power of prayers, but the effort should be both ways – For God helps, those who help themselves.

Image Caption: Eternal beauty of Kochi - Fondness.