December

 One of my most favorite months of the calendar year. There's an old world charm to this month that hits you right from the middle of November. Just the very thought that December is approaching, is exciting, as though Santa was visiting you home in person. Chennai is beautiful during this time, in fact, more beautiful during this time, the very smell in the air has the name December written all over it. It's as though the earth in itself gets prepared for the year end, that there's a subtle chillness enveloping the atmosphere, so much so that when you place your feet on the floor, you can feel the slight chill. Winter – so to speak, although we cannot be boastful of a winter weather in Chennai, the chillness does a certain justice. And then, the rains decide to add to the mushy lovey-dovey feeling too.

 There's a dual harmony that aesthetically coexists in the city – that of the December Margazhi Music Season and Carols. While the festive lights from Diwali are still on at malls and shops around, they suddenly transform into a red and green Christmassy look. Christmas trees of all sizes with little Santa dolls, stars, bells, serial lights, gift boxes hanging all around in decorative spirit. Time for plum cake, carols and colder nights. It's that time of the year to play Secret Santa. Thankful to my school days where I got to learn some carols! Somehow, you get drawn back to childhood all over again. As if, we grow old throughout the year and lo and behold in December, we are all children again – merry and bright!

 And on the other hand, the afternoon sun in December is kinder to you rendering enough warmth to keep you going for the day. Sabha hopping during this time is a pleasure – there's music and love in the air – ragas and carols in perfect symphony. From checking out the most trending saree and outfit of the season to discovering what new raga is doing the rounds in the town, December in Chennai, is pure joy.

December in itself has exquisiteness laden in every day of the month that it is a pleasant time across most places – painted red! Kerala is star studded during this time with almost every household with the customary star hung outside. The three kings carrying frankincense is only one step away from imagination…!

 Time to reminisce in retrospect and be grateful for the entire year. When January hits you, it doesn’t feel like this whole new year ringing in or anything; it feels like an extension of December, well until mid-January when you are already getting accustomed to using the updated date format. It’s with mixed emotions and feelings that we eventually get thrown into newness…! Resolutions? No… don’t wait for the new year, for it’s too cliché. We have a new day, each day, that could be made use of instead! December is just about being jolly…with the word JOY being heard loud, silently in the head!

 Happy December J

Kairos: Time from a different dimension.

A halting silence, or a slew of unforeseen events to battle every day. The wait kills or the suddenness of events just weighs you down entirely. These are truly trying times posing as a test to the power of resilience we possess. It will all pan out in some way, in the end. May be not the way we wanted it to be or may be just the way we wanted it to be or may be something that is out of the ordinary. Something will transpire though: for that’s how it has to be. No one can really be in prolonged anxiety or excitement. 

We just have to give it the time; even if it has to be just five minutes that we’ll need to devote. The process is an evolving one, and it is worth the time that you give. If anything, it will save us from a panic attack or over excitement. Picture this: we always have this constant urge to do things instantaneously. Utilize these urgencies as opportunities to do things in a phased manner. Start by visualizing the events that are about to take place; play out the scenes in your head and feel the emotions that you want to feel. Do this step diligently, without taking any action: Remember, you are just visualizing. This may sound like an elaborate process; however whether you believe it or not, it just takes a few minutes; if only you give yourself the time and the tenacity. Once you have played it all out, there’s a level of undisturbed surety that you attain; which is for you to experience firsthand, and isn’t something that you can be taught into. 

It gives you a sense of comfort when you do things in a phased manner; taking it one step at a time. There are exceptions to this: sometimes it’s worth jumping the gun and finishing it all off in one go; more often than not though, jumping the gun isn’t really a rewarding experience. 

Form a mental sense of time: not the chronos, but the kairos and watch how magic weaves. When you pay attention to the kairos aspect of time, there’s an innate sense of gratification that you can derive even from the most mundane of actions. Appreciate the simplicity of evolving slowly and watch yourself outgrowing each situation. It never gets easier, but you are certain to feel stronger and more content. 

Certain Uncertainties

A certain uncertainty
More uncertainties than certainties
Yet strangely sufficient:
Enveloped by music -
On the radio, and all other gadgets available;
The best though over the phone -
With conversations about music
Remembering song after song of the Maestro - Ilayaraja
No googling, just taking them out of the archives of the heart and mind...
When a song is almost on the tip of your tongue,
Yet you can't still sing it, the phone is disconnected.
With a certain return phone call after 5 minutes -
Here you go this is the one I meant to sing, says one of my aunts!
Enjoying little certainties amidst larger uncertainties.
Certainties are all around; if you care to pay attention, closely, if you will.
Certainties are so many that my list would occupy all the space!
A few that top my list:
The fact that you wake up daily,
The morning coffee that beckons you to start your day
The oh-oo-oor's made by the feathered friends
The warmth of the presence of loved ones around you
Who care to love and serve you relentlessly
Music with Amma and small fights with Appa;
Virtual meetings with cousins and friends
The cups of ginger lemon tea in the afternoon & evening
The food that gets served right on time
The drumstick tree that keeps growing back despite being broken all the time!
A job in hand
The music that fills my heart and soul
A cute teddy to hug around
Fresh air and sunshine, with tons of positivity, hope, and prayers!
Certain uncertainties, still yes, linger on,
They are God's way of asking you to press the pause button, naturally
To 'Rethink' of what could've otherwise wreaked havoc in the long-term!
The undo button isn't always available at your disposal:
If this microorganism is grinding you to a halt,
Take the cue!
Enjoy the certain uncertainties, and breathe easy!

Mixtape

How so much we have progressed in  the way we listen to our music. We have the luxury of picking and choosing our music at the press of a button through web and mobile apps. We have had music traversing with us right from the days of gramophone records and cassettes; all the way up to Spotify and ITunes. Music has remained the same still; it continues to do what it does best, despite all the transformation in media and technology. 

There have been days I would wait for the music cassettes to be out for sale to get my copy. 

There was a Side A and a Side B to the cassettes along with the song titles and names of singers by the side. We had a Panasonic ‘tape recorder’ which had visibly huge buttons to click and ‘eject’ the cassette out, to play the next side. Clicking these buttons was a fancy thing, simply because of the sound it creates when the cassette juts out and is locked back inside. There was a record button in bright orange which I used to keep pressing, both accidentally and intentionally at several intervals; which was so thrilling to me as a child! 

I shamelessly take ownership for ruining one such cassette at my grandmother’s place in Kottayam, Kerala. It was of the movie - “His Highness Abdullah.” The cassette had a yellowish backdrop with the picture of Mohanlal, KJ Yesudas and Sibi Malayil. It would begin with Mohanlal’s distinct voice, as a prelude to the songs. That’s the gap which I made use of, and spoke quite a bit into the cassette, by hitting the record button! Haha! Hearing my own voice back felt like an achievement; only to get chided later by the elders in the family! 

The movie Jeans had a novel idea when the cassette was out - it was packaged in a denim pocket and they even gave a candy to go with it! Owning that cassette was such a thing of pride. What's more, knowing the lyrics was a feather on the cap! I used to keep hitting the pause button until I memorised the lyrics of some of these songs back in the days. Some of the songs used to be in the cassette but not in the movie and vice versa. 

Through these cassettes, my mom and I developed a special fetish for identifying Carnatic ragas as well as the names of singers in general - both movie and classical music songs. The names of ragas used to thus easily get registered in my head. This way, both my mom and I used to relate to other songs that were based on the same raga. We attribute our knowledge to these treasure troves called - cassettes. 

Even to date, my mom and I tend to identify the ragas and names of playback singers without the help of google - just to keep our memory live and kicking. Thanks to the radio that I have, we suddenly break into a song and begin debating on who the singer is and even begin identifying the raga on which the song is based. This is for Ilayaraja songs though, mostly.

Mixtape goes on and on, with music just being an inevitably integral part of life. Music technology has transcended beyond measure and offers the ability to  dig deeper into the archives: if not akin to the joy of owning cassettes, these apps and instruments still do justice in terms of the sheer variety they have to offer. Radio remains a favourite though, hands-down!

Leaving you with a picture of one of my priced possessions - His Highness Abullah's cassette.

So what are some of your memories of music from the past? Leave a comment at the end of this blog post! :)

Carpe Diem

Per Meriam Webster, the literal translation of this phrase Carpe Diem is – “pluck the day.” Enjoying the present sans a thought about the future. Carpe Diem is often viewed as a lofty phrase, only meant for a certain clan of people – the footloose, pixies, vagabonds. Good for a tattoo, wallpaper, screensaver, mobile cases, and statuses perhaps – not really applied in day to day living per se, this Carpe Diem, you know!

There’s an all new dimension to this phrase now though, with our novel corona virus wreaking havoc globally. Enforced – carpe diem. Enough has been spoken about social distancing, hygiene and cleanliness to keep COVID-19 at bay; which, people all over the world, if not to the fullest, have been following to some extent. Thanks to all the media and the awareness; which we are fed with every day, without a break, at least we know what’s going on and how much we don’t really have control over. The word “tentative” comes to the forefront now, topping the list of words off of the dictionary. Some relative terms include – To be Discussed/Decided (TBD), temporary, until further notice… (Note the ‘ellipses’ in particular).

This brings us to a point where we are all forced to pause and rethink about the way we view life as a whole. Every plan comes to a standstill – wedding, religious gathering, shutdown of institutions, travel plan cancellations, work from home and all the paraphernalia that’s associated with a pandemic situation. The government and organizations have risen up to the occasion and have been urging us to function on a war footing basis – do whatever it takes to eradicate the virus.

There’s only so much you can do and provide guesstimate dates around when things would resume to normalcy. Globally, people seem to be gradually and steadily resigning to the fact that we cannot always be on the move and that cancellations CAN happen; that too because of a microorganism – something that cannot even be viewed by the naked eye!

So lo and behold, that brings us back to the Carpe Diem situation – making the most of the day that’s right in front of us. For a change, globally, we’d all say – “hey, your guess is as good as mine!” This microorganism has thus united us globally, leaving us with a fight, that's for a common cause. So when everyone’s staying home, we just got to do our own thing – sans malling/shopping/cinemas/outdoor activities.

This leaves us all with one important element which we’ve all been running behind. Volumes have been spoken about its lack of being there, lack of being managed properly – TIME! So now, we are left with so much TIME that humans don’t really know what to do with all this ‘saved time.’ The once elusive resource, is now available in abundance. It’s not always that we’re in such a globally connected situation. When there’s tons of it, spend it wisely, with discernment. Gratitude has been a long lost virtue, hence all the saved time is being abused by terming it as boredom. Boredom is for the fickle-minded and social media maniacs. Like how animals go on hibernation, humans must do so too! Get into activities that make us forget the concept of time – simply by doing what we love. This is the time for introspection, family bonding, finding one’s purpose in life rather than complaining about the uncontrollable. It’s going to get us nowhere – we’ll just end up talking in circles! Nurture an “Ikigai” (Japanese concept that means – reason for being) of your choice and enjoy the present as though it were a present. Back to carpe diem – seize the day! Have fun. 

Leaving you with a good old song of the one and only MJ – “Heal the World.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWf-eARnf6U

May we all vow to be better humans, and may we stand in solidarity for world peace and harmony. 

Circle

Keeping the circle small – this somehow has been with me ever since I was in school. A group of 5 girls who I always hung out with back in the school at Madras – and then when I shifted to Kochi for classes 11 & 12, I had to befriend my teachers instead of fellow classmates. My English was the problem in this school at Kochi because none of the students would even utter a word in English, even if they knew how to speak! My only respite was the teachers, who I ended up spending time with.

It feels funny to recall how I used to spend hours together talking to my English sir, who I was in awe of – only for his sheer simplicity and knowledge of the subject, and the language in itself. The remainder of the teaching fraternity used to give me puzzled looks; wondering why I spent all my time at the staff room instead of hanging out with my peers! My adoration for this English sir grew beyond my teenage limits; so much so that, I gave him a yellow-colored greeting card for Valentine’s Day (yellow being the color of friendship)! 

Standing inside the staff room, waiting for everyone else to leave, so I could hand over my little token of respect and love for my ‘Sir’ is still something that’s etched in my memory – I was brimming with excitement and shyness all at once! In response, the ‘English sir’ returned an unfazed smile, that’s all! I took that for an acknowledgement and appreciated his courtesy.

There was another English sir as well who was instrumental in instigating the habit of conscious writing in me. He used to ask me to close my eyes and think of any thought that immediately came to my mind. And he said, write down those first few thoughts that come to your mind and then expand on it! That will get you writing, he said – and it worked! The fact that I didn’t have any ‘friends’ loomed large, that I ended up writing a poem about ‘friendship’ in my school magazine – I recall the poem talked about fake vs. real friendship. By this time, all the teachers knew me so well that they gifted a book for the general proficiency student award that I received – “How to win friends and influence people,” by Dale Carnegie.

Towards the end of class 12, I approached my ‘English sir’ to fill in my slam book; with  childish delight.  The page said – “Usha, solitude is a gift that not many possess, and you are fortunate enough to have it.” Sir tried to explain what it meant, nonetheless, I couldn’t fathom the deeper meaning it bore back then. Solitude has stuck to me ever since and I thoroughly enjoy every bit of it.

Being a Grammar-Nazi is a hindrance in fetching good friends. But that’s something that I cannot stop being – simply because of my love for the English language. So whoever who has remained in my life as friends are either people who I talk to fully in Tamil, or those that are eloquent in English – there’s no in between thing!

At the end of the day, good friends are for keepsakes and if you cannot find any or too many, there should be zero regrets – the right ones would stay. It is okay if your circle is small – smaller the circle, lesser the toxicity.

Leaving you with a thought to ponder – how many ‘friends’ do you have, that are worthy of being called one – beware, it should be a ‘friend,’ not an ‘acquaintance!’

Hot Mess

The state of being single beckons; 

Giving you doses of daily reminders:

You’re after all a recluse; basking in the glory of solitude:

No invasion into the deeper recesses of your mental space and freedom, no one to consult or none to dictate terms.

And then there are the symbols of wedlock that entice you - 

Of flowers, jewellery, sarees, partnership, gatherings and all the wedding paraphernalia that’s associated. 

Your playlist is shared, edited, upgraded, with every prospect whom you meet;

The same tracks assume different meanings with each passing memory;

Do you really have a choice of owning the playlist, all by yourself,

Keeping the meanings they once lent with the same emotion?

Well that’s the thing about love: it’s a mixtape. 

The songs keep churning in the mixtape 

The tunes remain the same; the association changes; with love.

Does it even last until the next Valentine’s?

Mixtape; goes on...with every song.

For music never lets you down: you have a choice of switching over to variants.

That’s the thing about being a music lover 

There’s a plethora of offerings it has to provide. 

Back to hot mess: you can still pick your choice : do you want to share your playlist with another?

While still dreaming of wedlock, flowers, so on and so forth...