Circle

Keeping the circle small – this somehow has been with me ever since I was in school. A group of 5 girls who I always hung out with back in the school at Madras – and then when I shifted to Kochi for classes 11 & 12, I had to befriend my teachers instead of fellow classmates. My English was the problem in this school at Kochi because none of the students would even utter a word in English, even if they knew how to speak! My only respite was the teachers, who I ended up spending time with.

It feels funny to recall how I used to spend hours together talking to my English sir, who I was in awe of – only for his sheer simplicity and knowledge of the subject, and the language in itself. The remainder of the teaching fraternity used to give me puzzled looks; wondering why I spent all my time at the staff room instead of hanging out with my peers! My adoration for this English sir grew beyond my teenage limits; so much so that, I gave him a yellow-colored greeting card for Valentine’s Day (yellow being the color of friendship)! 

Standing inside the staff room, waiting for everyone else to leave, so I could hand over my little token of respect and love for my ‘Sir’ is still something that’s etched in my memory – I was brimming with excitement and shyness all at once! In response, the ‘English sir’ returned an unfazed smile, that’s all! I took that for an acknowledgement and appreciated his courtesy.

There was another English sir as well who was instrumental in instigating the habit of conscious writing in me. He used to ask me to close my eyes and think of any thought that immediately came to my mind. And he said, write down those first few thoughts that come to your mind and then expand on it! That will get you writing, he said – and it worked! The fact that I didn’t have any ‘friends’ loomed large, that I ended up writing a poem about ‘friendship’ in my school magazine – I recall the poem talked about fake vs. real friendship. By this time, all the teachers knew me so well that they gifted a book for the general proficiency student award that I received – “How to win friends and influence people,” by Dale Carnegie.

Towards the end of class 12, I approached my ‘English sir’ to fill in my slam book; with  childish delight.  The page said – “Usha, solitude is a gift that not many possess, and you are fortunate enough to have it.” Sir tried to explain what it meant, nonetheless, I couldn’t fathom the deeper meaning it bore back then. Solitude has stuck to me ever since and I thoroughly enjoy every bit of it.

Being a Grammar-Nazi is a hindrance in fetching good friends. But that’s something that I cannot stop being – simply because of my love for the English language. So whoever who has remained in my life as friends are either people who I talk to fully in Tamil, or those that are eloquent in English – there’s no in between thing!

At the end of the day, good friends are for keepsakes and if you cannot find any or too many, there should be zero regrets – the right ones would stay. It is okay if your circle is small – smaller the circle, lesser the toxicity.

Leaving you with a thought to ponder – how many ‘friends’ do you have, that are worthy of being called one – beware, it should be a ‘friend,’ not an ‘acquaintance!’