We set measurements, targets, milestones, or may be even KPIs in relationships to showcase how we’re faring or may be for others to judge how we are doing.
An expensive gift, a dine-out, or a holiday getaway and boom! It’s already gaining points in the index of the relationship. Go one step further, you have a highly empathetic partner who is flawlessly good with financial independence and super duper supportive with your work schedule and acknowledging your creative skills. Definitely appealing and no way questionable.
However, is that really all? It’s not so much about being greedy of what you want in life, rather wanting it all in life. Yes, if the positives outweigh the negatives, heck yes, you’d want to shut up and be happy with what you have. However, is that “little want,” hidden in the aisles of your heart, wilfully ready to understand this logic that your brain is making?
Aren’t we really compromising one wish for another, if you look at it closely?
For example, how can good listening be equivalent to a costly gift? How can a beautifully mindful sexual experience with your partner be equivalent to a dine-out with them? How many times are we able to let our guards off with partners and have an open conversation about our deepest fear, our biggest worry, our constant prayer, the worst dream or may be a pressing issue that’s been interrupting the day? Everything is not always hunky-dory. You have to be able to talk about fear and confidence in the same vein - Cry, laugh, cringe, feel the emotions in every sense.
Are you able to openly ask that you want to make out, and if so, do you get it back? How many times have you been on the initiating end to begin lovemaking? Forget lovemaking, how about a quick exchange of a hug or a kiss during the course of the day?
What’s the attempt that you are making, to get a step closer to your significant other? Or does it even matter?
We’re constantly caught in the whirlwind of getting one wish solved for another, thereby forgetting the open points we have had long pending. There’s a constant confusion in the scope of a relationship. For example, as a woman, being able to wear what you want, being able to have a career without problems, without being judged, is considered as being “allowed” to do something, rather than it being viewed as a basic need and individual preference. The scale is always measured on man vs. woman, still, thanks to fellow womenfolk who continue to contribute towards glorifying this aspect.
Plants require watering plus a little bit of a caressing and pep talk for them to feel nourished and then bloom. This isn’t an overnight process. It requires daily nurturing, for that matter, anything you’d expect to grow, requires nurturing.
Many seemingly good relationships still crash like a pack of cards one fine day, making it look there’s no rhyme or reason to do so. Everything would look picture perfect on the periphery, with fissures and cracks in the inner.
So if you are living with a fellow human partner, you are obligated, and have responsibility towards daily nurturing vs. a checklist you’re ticking off, saying it’s done.
Are you silently silencing or being silenced about your relationship wishes? Have a hearty conversation instead. Everything has to begin with communication, as a first step. If you really care, start with that. 🤍❤️
